5 Reasons Why I’d Rather My Teen Smoke Cannabis Over Drinking Alcohol.

Oh shit.., I just heard the entire town of Westborough, Massachusetts collectively gasp.

The reality is every teen will experiment with some mind altering substance. With all the peer pressure, media hype and varieties of recreational drugs available, it is a mystery as to how America has ANY teenagers left.

Here’s my Top 5 Reasons why I think weed is better for teens than alcohol:

5. Throwing up is nasty. Let’s face it, when you are a teenager, you haven’t learned how much you can drink. More than quite often the alcohol ingested is expelled with the food that also is in the stomach. Rarely does the drunken teen make it to the proper porcelain facilities. Do you really want your teen spewing their evening all over your car or newly installed carpet?

4. Drinking turns people into assholes. OK, not everyone is a mean drunk. That doesn’t guarantee some other drunk asshole isn’t going to affect everyone at the party. Starting fights. Bullying. General obnoxious-ness. We’ve all experienced that drunken fucker that ruins the party. I’ve never seen stoners act in such a way. Ever.

3. Stoners don’t black out. OK, there might be some memory loss, but never a coma. The Stoner will not pass out and be that victim of the drunken asshole (see above) Sharpie artist drawing a dick on that poor passed out drunken bastard’s face.

2. You can’t drive drunk. Proven. Fact. There are soooo many deaths as a result of drunk driving, it is staggering. (pardon the pun) I would much rather drive with a stoner than a drunk. Not ideal driving conditions as well… in fact, it is illegal to drive high. However, my experience has proven stoned drivers are far safer and have more control than drunk drivers. Stoners drive slower. Stoned drivers are more cautious as a result of the “paranoid” effect of cannabis. Marijuana can actually increase one’s concentration on the task at hand depending on the strain of weed they ingest. Bottom line… driving stoned is way safer than driving drunk.

drunk driver

1. Alcohol is poisonous. There, I said it. If you drink too much alcohol, you will die. Proven, Fact. Binge drinking is a deadly teen issue, yet it is commonly practiced at colleges where some of these teens are drinking for the first time. Binge drinking is glorified, seen in many TV shows and movies… it is considered a rite of passage. Indeed. You drink too much and die, you have passage to dirtville. Just to be clear… There has yet to be an “overdose” on Cannabis. Not one human being has lost their life as a result of ingesting, in any form, too much cannabis.

That right there, my parental friends, is enough for me to seal the weed deal.

Facebook vs Stoners

Once again, Facebook takes the “Social” out of Social Network.

I guess Facebook doesn’t like us stoners… It appears Facebook will not let customers use their “boost” services on any weed products. Really… fine don’t take my money. There are Social Networks out there made just for cannabis users and businesses… Here’s some cannabis-friendly Facebook alternatives: (click them to go to their websites)

I’m sure there will be many more Cannabis themed social networks created as acceptance of the herb grows.

Bong Hits

The Bong is the most iconic piece of marijuana smoking gear. Nothing says “stoner” like a big ole glass bong on the coffee table. And with good reason. No other smoking device will stuff the lungs with so much smoke in one “hit”.

bong_lineup

I’ve been smoking weed for more than 40 years. During that time the bong has gone through some thoughtful design changes.

The first bong I had the pleasure to know was a massive 4 footer called Blue Max. To use this plastic lungbuster required 2 people: the smoker and the lighter. The “carburetor” hole was nearly an arm’s length from the mouthpiece. When you took your finger off of that hole… BOOM.

These days, the carb hole is gone and nobody smokes out of plastic anymore.

Obviously, glass, specifically: borosilicate glass, is the material of choice. Specially manufactured to be heat and shatter resistant, a good glass bong will last a lifetime. If you don’t drop it, of course. Glass is easiest to clean, adds no taste and there is no fear of plastic leaching into your bong hits.

That carburetor hole, the source of bong water leakage for decades, has been replaced by simply lifting the bowl from the stem. Genius! Oh, and that classic metal bowl found on nearly every bong of the 70s has been replaced with a glass bowl. The fittings on the glass bowl and bowl stem feature a frosted surface that keeps the glass pieces from locking together. Yup, today’s Bongs are more like chemistry lab glassware.

There are four basic Bong types: The Homemade Bong, The Art Bong, The Rube Goldberg Bong and the Laboratory Bong.

The Homemade Bong needs little description yet is the most diverse of the bongs. We have all seen and maybe even smoked from that home crafted device that could be fashioned from a hunk of PVC pipe, a beer can, a watermelon, soda bottles, bamboo… I could go on. Usually featuring duct tape, aluminum foil or some questionable adhesive, inhaling from this bong might not be the most healthy way to inhale. A true Bong needs water to work. With the Homemade Bong, there was always the chance of a bongwater spill. Anyone that has experienced a bongwater incident can back me up when I tell you NOT to spill the bongwater.

The Art Bong is just that… art. These bongs look great on the coffee table. Often sporting fantasy themes like dragons, wizards and such. Sometimes these bongs can be awkward to smoke from (“…put your mouth on the Serpent’s butt, hold your finger on it’s penis and light it’s head… “). If you put a lamp shade on the Art Bong, you can transform that scorned piece of drug paraphernalia into a tasteful source of illumination that smells rude.

The Rube Goldberg Bong references the famous cartoonist from the 40s and 50s. Rube Goldberg drawings depicted crazy, convoluted machines that did otherwise simple tasks.

Head Shops will have multiple shelves of these things for sale. A big seller, the Rube Goldberg Bong dazzles and delights the stoned shopper into an impulse buy. Usually multi-chambered with tubes and coils attached to valves and aerators… its all very complicated but also very cool. Until you try to clean it.

Finally there is the Laboratory Bong. This, in my opinion, is the only bong you’ll need. Those other bongs end up in the closet, the trash or bookshelf, never to be smoked from again. The “Lab Bong” gets the job done efficiently and without additional nonsense.

Typically this bong is a combination of a straight glass tube, a removable bowl stem and a glass bowl. A tool in its purest form, this Bong group is simple to operate, easy to clean and will usually have replaceable parts and upgrades like dab mods and ash catchers. The Laboratory Bong is usually an every day smoker that you’ll probably get very attached to.

Remember, your own Bong choice can define your personality. Just as a pet can sometimes “mirror” their owner, your Bong choice speaks volumes about who you really are.

Happy 4-20

April 20th has become the Stoners’ Holiday, whether you like it or not. Since 420 has become the “number of the bush”, it seems everyone is hip to the reference. But where, exactly, did 420 come from?

What 420 is NOT; 420 is not a police code for marijuana use (its actually a “juvenile disturbance”), it has nothing to do with math, the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan or any kind of cosmic significance.

The origin of 420 dates back to the 1970s, when it became the time to inhale among students in San Rafael, Califonia. A group of pot heads calling themselves “the Waldos” would pass one another in the halls, exchanging secret glances and whispering “420 Louis!” One of the Waldos told the San Francisco Chronicle,  “It was just a joke, but it came to mean all kinds of things, like, ‘Do you have any?’ or ‘Do I look stoned?”  420 quickly became the code word for all things weed related and the sacred time of the light up.

The statue where 420 was born.

The “Waldos” would meet in front of the statue of 19th-century French scientist Louis Pasteur in San Rafael to get stoned at 4:20 p.m. The term “420” was widely in use by the end of the 1970s. California Deadheads spread it like wildfire from that San Rafael epicenter. Within a decade, stoners around the world had adopted 420 as the official weed reference. High Times magazine first printed the the term “420” as early as 1990, and even bought the website 420.com, locking in the number as the official pot digit forever.

It was only natural for the number 420 to be associated with April 20, becoming the “Day of the Stoned” to anyone who lights up.  Happy 420, stonerverse,  smoke em if you got em… give one to a friend!

The Googly Eyes Project

Nothing brings inanimate objects to life like a well placed pair of Googly Eyes. A super cheap plastic and paper novelty, Googly eyes have become the symbol for wacky fun and crazy antics right alongside the rubber chicken, chattering teeth or the classic nose glasses.

Also known as jiggly eyes, these little plastic tabs are meant to imitate eyeballs. Googly eyes traditionally are made of a white plastic or card backing covered by a clear, hard-plastic, bubble-like shell, encapsulating a free floating black plastic disk. The combination of a black circle over a white disk mimics the appearance of the sclera and pupil of the eyeball for an endlesly humorous effect. The inner black disk moves freely within the larger clear plastic bubble, which makes the eyes appear to move when the googly eyes are tilted or shaken.

Googly eyes have been around for a long time, since 1919 in fact. A guy named Billy deBeck created a comic called Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. All his characters were drawn with those big, googly eyes as the hook for the comic. He reportedly began creating the craft product that we think of today to promote the comic strip. Things really took off in 1923 when deBeck composed a song for Barney Google. “Barney Google with Your Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes” cemented the Googly Eye into pop culture forever.

So here’s the plan… get yourself a whole bunch of Googly Eyes and start sticking them on everything and anything. The more sinister or heinous the item you stick them on, the funnier it will appear sporting a pair of googly eyes. Every craft store sells them but you’ll find the best prices right here in the interwebs. (eBay and Amazon have endless supplies available). Go for the self adhesive variety, best in a sheet format (link: Amazon – Creativity Street Peel and Stick Wiggle Eyes Multi-Pack, 60 -Piece Pack) as it is much easier than trying to peel the little circle off the back and they are easier to manage in a pocket. Grab a bunch, give some to a friend… share the fun!

OK, everyone… you know what you got to do… get some googly eyes and start sticking. I want to see Googly Eyes everywhere on everything. Get wacky, go wild, get into some trouble…What is the most outrageous Googly Eye placement can you think of? Send me pictures of your Googly Eyed items and I’ll post them in a gallery.

Ban This, Westborough

As a Westborough resident for nearly 20 years, I like think I’ve settled in as a respectable citizen. Westborough is a great town, don’t get me wrong, but recent events regarding the Town’s hatred for marijuana and their choice to ban the plant from being sold there has me just a bit steamed and feeling somewhat unwelcome.

As the first town to ban weed, Westborough’s homegrown temperance movement is urging other Massachusett’s towns to do the same. Ugh. Westborough, you need to take care of some more pressing issues than a harmless plant. It is a matter of priorities.

I’ve got my own list of things that should be banned from our sorted little burg… Let’s start with my top five. These are simple little “hacks” that will make Westborough better place to live while saving a bit of money and maybe a few lives.

5. Harveys trash trucks rumbling through town.

The smell, the noise and their disgusting presence can be avoided with a simple exit on the Mass Pike. One only needs to witness a summertime load of nasty garbage stuffed in one of these grimy trucks as it navigates the rotary to become nauseous and angry.

4. The Westborough Advisory Finance Committee discussing anything but town finances.

Sit through one of these meetings and you will shake your head in disbelief. So. Much. Speculating. Why are they giving their opinions on Marijuana? Why is a shop owner coming before the Committee to request a liquor license for a local convenience store? FINCOM, you have 1 job: looking at how Westborough spends money and suggesting how to do it better. Period. Don’t waste our time with anything else.

3. Lights.

Between the mega obnoxious HD drive in movie screen signs on Route 9, the daylight bright empty parking lots and those blinking cross walk flashers multiplying in town, Westborough is quickly becoming illuminated enough to be viewed from space. Enough already.

2. Guns and Porn.

Really, Westborough. I can buy weapons and pornography but I can’t buy weed. Again… ugh.

1. Alcohol Sales

You want to save the children. You want to save lives. You want safer streets. Ban alcohol. From restaurants, convenience stores, gas stations. At least lets start by putting the liquor stores right next to the porn shop and the gun store where they belong. As a killer drug of choice for most of America and the gateway to most substance addiction, shouldn’t we start with a ban on this extremely accessible but very dangerous drug?

Westborough, the only result from your ban on a plant will be lost revenue. And angry pot heads.

Introducing the Yankee Stonette

Hi! I am the Yankee Stonette.  I am joining the Yankee Stoner  to help develop this website. We are both newly in love with each other and we have a lot in common, most importantly our love of marijuana. Since I work in the medical field, and recently obtained a Medical Marijuana card I feel that I am something of an expert about the nuances of the emerging phenomenon of medical marijuana.  I will introduce myself now, briefly…

In 1976  I graduated from high school in a town otherwise known as East Egg, New York (Google it..). I now live in Massachusetts and work in  a big city hospital. I married a guy from Dublin in 1990 and we had 2 daughters who are now on the edge of adulthood. I have worked full-time in the medical field since my kids were born, and now I am finally seeing light at the end of the proverbial tunnel: I just turned 59 and I am in a relationship with a really great guy.  My kids are happy and healthy, and that is all anyone should ask for. Now, I can turn my attention to myself, and talk about stuff that interests me.

I should start by saying that I have been a regular pot smoker since high school days. I did have periods of not smoking, depending on what was going on in my life at the time: When the kids are little you are stuck on a “go” button, and can never expect to fully relax, so weed was not my drug of choice when the kids were babies  until they were teens, actually. (My DOC was wine..). I have been a regular weed smoker for the last three years. I must confess that it all started after a particularly hard  day at work, and when I got home that day I had a sudden craving for weed, and was able to satisfy that yen. From that day forward I looked forward to my wind -down from my workday: a 25 minute walk home and then the promise of a joint or a bowl. I found that I could fully detox from the day, and have no ill effects, as I would from my usual wine: insomnia, dehydration, etc.

I realized that I had rediscovered an elixir. The more days that went by in my life that were relatively difficult, the best remedy was always weed. The weed of today, or maybe it’s just that I have an adult brain, seems to help my brain deflect rays of negativity. I find that smoking early in the morning helps me be compliant with my morning exercise routine, and after work, it helps me to unwind from work at a sometimes daunting medical institution.

I read a lot of sad stuff and it has led me to wonder if western medicine is becoming obsolete. I am currently  a volunteer subject in an acupuncture study that is being offered to the employees in the hospital, to see if daily hospital work stress could be lessened by a weekly 3o minute auricular acupuncture session. I have found that with my daily cannabis use and my weekly acupuncture therapy I have reached a steady state of happiness. This feeling of happiness is definitely sparked by my love life with Mr Stoner. We both love weed.

My next entry will focus on Medical Marijuana. There are so many sub-topics under MM to explore, but I have recently paid visits to a couple of traditional medical doctors to look for solutions to two of my ailments – insomnia and low back pain- and I received some pretty disappointing attitudes. There is an amazing lack of respect out there among our finest MDs for a medicinal plant that has been around for centuries. When my doctor assumed that I would be giving up marijuana once my new pharmaceutically manufactured sleeping pill proved it’s effectiveness, I inwardly groaned.

Why are doctors so dead-set against weed?

Mini Helix Classic Pipe

One of the most fun things about smoking weed are all the neat ways you can inhale it. Stoners are a crafty bunch so there is no end to the unique innovations pot smokers get to experience. The Helix Pipe is one of those unique innovations.

Clearly different than the rest of the “glass spoons” most smokers are used to, the Helix Pipe is a bit more than your basic pocket smoker. It does have a good sized bowl big enough for sharing. The Helix also sports a larger than normal carburetor hole that clears the pipe completely of smoke when released. This oddly shaped piece is well made featuring thick borosilicate glass. Borosilicate glass is known for having very low coefficients of thermal expansion , making them resistant to thermal shock, more than any other common glass.

Smoking the Helix is just about as much fun as you can have with a pipe. The shape of the Helix is the key to its effectiveness. On the outside of the cone-like section are tiny holes that let in the air as you inhale. When the smoke enters the cone chamber, it begins to swirl and contort like a tornado. (geek out: it’s called the Bernoulli Effect, the same phenomenon that causes an airplane wing to create lift.) With a bit of inhalation control, fun shapes and cool effects will entertain and entrance the smoker. A bonus effect: the smoke enters the lungs expanded and cooler with a bong-like inhalation that won’t choke you.

The Helix quickly became a favorite piece. Not at all complicated and always ready to go, the Helix is the perfect everyday puffer. I saw complaints about cleaning the Helix but my experience was no harder than the standard spoon. It is a bit pricy but worth every penny in my opinion.

Get yourself a Mini Helix Classic Pipe, I’m sure you’re gonna love it. You can get one from Dankstop, my favorite On-Line headshop.

Dankstop headshop

Westborough Weedless

It seems Westborough just isn’t the town for me. In fact, I feel a bit insulted.

Yes. I take Westborough’s hatred for cannabis personally. I’ve been a chronic inhaler way before Clinton. For years I have been secretly smoking my cannabis like a criminal. Marijuana finally becomes legal in the state and my town says “no way”. Yup, the first town in Massachusetts to defy the choice of the people.

I hope you’re proud, Westborough. You’ve succumbed to the fear.

Hey, don’t worry, Westborough… You can get your alcohol at 33 locations in town. Soon there will be even more places to get shit faced because our town’s citizens also voted to lift the quota for liquor licenses. Economic development, that is what that is called. So drink up, Westborough… apparently you would rather your children drink because a little alcohol never hurt anybody, Right? I’m sure Westborough never has drunk driving issues with all of these establishments in town. There were 10,519 drunk driving arrests in Massachusetts in 2016. Honestly, Westborough… you should be selling your liquor right there between the porn shop and the gun shop.

Westborough’s Economic Development Plan.

Fret not, Westborough weedies! I feel your pain. I’ll deliver all the cannabis you need, right to your door… from Grafton.

related articles:

Westborough Votes To Ban Recreational Pot Shops « CBS Boston

Westborough selectmen approve marijuana opt-out question on March ballot – Community Advocate

Walking Through That Gateway.

The biggest argument I hear against the legalization of marijuana is that weed is a gateway drug. Smoking marijuana, it is argued, leads to harder drugs like heroin.

As a pot smoker for more than 40 years, I can understand why pot is perceived this way.

I tried all the drugs I could. I never used any drug intravenously, but I freely took just about anything handed to me for a few “wasted” years.

My first “high” was hyperventilating on purpose to feel that “head rush”. Cigarettes and cigars were another “high” for a curious preteen. I remember stealing my dad’s table pipe with a handful of Borkum Riff. I remember throwing up in the woods after a lungful of that nasty stale tobacco.

Another reason I was throwing up in the woods? That would be my dad’s well stocked liquor cabinet.

It was only natural for me to seek out marijuana. My bothers were doing it, the Beatles were doing it, even my own mother was doing it. Once I established a “connection”, I could get a bag of weed easier than an unopened bottle of booze. My dealer was always available to fill my pot order, even though he was usually late.

small_signEvery suburban neighborhood had a “dealer”. Often clad in an olive drab army jacket and flying a freak flag that flowed over hunched shoulders, the dealer was usually easy to spot and easier to smell. Back in the 70s, it was not uncommon for your local drug dealer to offer a selection of recreational drugs. Of course, any good businessman will tell you, the key to profits is the upsell. Mushrooms, LSD, hash, cocaine… there were lots of choices in his pocket on any given day. As he was taking my money and handing me a “dime bag” in a suspicious exchange, my dealer would always offer up other drugs that were on his “menu”.

My dealer introduced me to many drugs. As if he was doing me the biggest favor, my dealer always used phrases like “I saved this just for you” or “You’re gonna love this”. When the dealer was out of smoke, there was alway a back up “tab” of something.

My trusted dealer kept me wasted whether or not he had weed. It was his “job”.

Legalization could remove this “middleman” and allow me to purchase my pot stash without the that upsell. Buying from a regulated and secure establishment could effectively put the weed dealer out of business and reduce the exposure to the illegal dangerous drugs. The movement to keep marijuana illegal is a movement to keep the dealer in business.

Marijuana isn’t the gateway to drug addiction so much as the drug dealer is the “gate keeper”.

Think of the children, people… As voters, we have the opportunity keep this salesman away from the kids and help to keep that “gate” closed.