Ban This, Westborough

As a Westborough resident for nearly 20 years, I like think I’ve settled in as a respectable citizen. Westborough is a great town, don’t get me wrong, but recent events regarding the Town’s hatred for marijuana and their choice to ban the plant from being sold there has me just a bit steamed and feeling somewhat unwelcome.

As the first town to ban weed, Westborough’s homegrown temperance movement is urging other Massachusett’s towns to do the same. Ugh. Westborough, you need to take care of some more pressing issues than a harmless plant. It is a matter of priorities.

I’ve got my own list of things that should be banned from our sorted little burg… Let’s start with my top five. These are simple little “hacks” that will make Westborough better place to live while saving a bit of money and maybe a few lives.

5. Harveys trash trucks rumbling through town.

The smell, the noise and their disgusting presence can be avoided with a simple exit on the Mass Pike. One only needs to witness a summertime load of nasty garbage stuffed in one of these grimy trucks as it navigates the rotary to become nauseous and angry.

4. The Westborough Advisory Finance Committee discussing anything but town finances.

Sit through one of these meetings and you will shake your head in disbelief. So. Much. Speculating. Why are they giving their opinions on Marijuana? Why is a shop owner coming before the Committee to request a liquor license for a local convenience store? FINCOM, you have 1 job: looking at how Westborough spends money and suggesting how to do it better. Period. Don’t waste our time with anything else.

3. Lights.

Between the mega obnoxious HD drive in movie screen signs on Route 9, the daylight bright empty parking lots and those blinking cross walk flashers multiplying in town, Westborough is quickly becoming illuminated enough to be viewed from space. Enough already.

2. Guns and Porn.

Really, Westborough. I can buy weapons and pornography but I can’t buy weed. Again… ugh.

1. Alcohol Sales

You want to save the children. You want to save lives. You want safer streets. Ban alcohol. From restaurants, convenience stores, gas stations. At least lets start by putting the liquor stores right next to the porn shop and the gun store where they belong. As a killer drug of choice for most of America and the gateway to most substance addiction, shouldn’t we start with a ban on this extremely accessible but very dangerous drug?

Westborough, the only result from your ban on a plant will be lost revenue. And angry pot heads.

Introducing the Yankee Stonette

Hi! I am the Yankee Stonette.  I am joining the Yankee Stoner  to help develop this website. We are both newly in love with each other and we have a lot in common, most importantly our love of marijuana. Since I work in the medical field, and recently obtained a Medical Marijuana card I feel that I am something of an expert about the nuances of the emerging phenomenon of medical marijuana.  I will introduce myself now, briefly…

In 1976  I graduated from high school in a town otherwise known as East Egg, New York (Google it..). I now live in Massachusetts and work in  a big city hospital. I married a guy from Dublin in 1990 and we had 2 daughters who are now on the edge of adulthood. I have worked full-time in the medical field since my kids were born, and now I am finally seeing light at the end of the proverbial tunnel: I just turned 59 and I am in a relationship with a really great guy.  My kids are happy and healthy, and that is all anyone should ask for. Now, I can turn my attention to myself, and talk about stuff that interests me.

I should start by saying that I have been a regular pot smoker since high school days. I did have periods of not smoking, depending on what was going on in my life at the time: When the kids are little you are stuck on a “go” button, and can never expect to fully relax, so weed was not my drug of choice when the kids were babies  until they were teens, actually. (My DOC was wine..). I have been a regular weed smoker for the last three years. I must confess that it all started after a particularly hard  day at work, and when I got home that day I had a sudden craving for weed, and was able to satisfy that yen. From that day forward I looked forward to my wind -down from my workday: a 25 minute walk home and then the promise of a joint or a bowl. I found that I could fully detox from the day, and have no ill effects, as I would from my usual wine: insomnia, dehydration, etc.

I realized that I had rediscovered an elixir. The more days that went by in my life that were relatively difficult, the best remedy was always weed. The weed of today, or maybe it’s just that I have an adult brain, seems to help my brain deflect rays of negativity. I find that smoking early in the morning helps me be compliant with my morning exercise routine, and after work, it helps me to unwind from work at a sometimes daunting medical institution.

I read a lot of sad stuff and it has led me to wonder if western medicine is becoming obsolete. I am currently  a volunteer subject in an acupuncture study that is being offered to the employees in the hospital, to see if daily hospital work stress could be lessened by a weekly 3o minute auricular acupuncture session. I have found that with my daily cannabis use and my weekly acupuncture therapy I have reached a steady state of happiness. This feeling of happiness is definitely sparked by my love life with Mr Stoner. We both love weed.

My next entry will focus on Medical Marijuana. There are so many sub-topics under MM to explore, but I have recently paid visits to a couple of traditional medical doctors to look for solutions to two of my ailments – insomnia and low back pain- and I received some pretty disappointing attitudes. There is an amazing lack of respect out there among our finest MDs for a medicinal plant that has been around for centuries. When my doctor assumed that I would be giving up marijuana once my new pharmaceutically manufactured sleeping pill proved it’s effectiveness, I inwardly groaned.

Why are doctors so dead-set against weed?

Tokermon Tuesday # 1

Tokermon Tuesday? Yup… TOKERMON… mysterious denizens of cannabis fields and growrooms worldwide. Yankee Stoner is gonna introduce you to a new one EVERY Tuesday.

Tokermon Tuesday

Since this is the very first Tokermon Tuesday, I present not just one, but two TOKERMON.
These are the two characters that started it all. Introducing KINGBONG and BONGZILLA, a pair that beats a full house.

Kingbong

Kingbong was the very first Tokermon ever to be seen and discussed among believers. A raging red bong beast, Kingbong is a lung wrecking smoke screen that is not afraid to be seen.

Bongzilla

Bongzilla was sighted soon after, trailing Kingbong with hate and hunger in his eyes. Forever enemies, Bongzilla resents the other Tokermon, especially Kingbong. Could a classic clash between the bong beasts be inevitable?

You can see all the Tokermon so far by clicking RIGHT HERE
See you next Tuesday!

Who Are The Tokermon?

Pokémon GO was released last summer and I quickly became addicted. Anyone who has encountered the Pokémon phenomenon will either embrace it or walk away shaking their head. As a stoner and a parent of the “pokemon generation”, I fell right into the game and still play today.

I started drawing characters for a spoof of Pokémon called Tokermon. I initially expected to draw a dozen characters and incorporate them into a card game. Drawing the Tokermon characters became an obsession. I would spark up a bowl, pick up my pencil and just starting drawing. Over two hundred and fifty Tokermon characters later and I’m still drawing them.

I have this pile of Tokermon artwork and I’m not too sure what to do with it all. It would be a shame to leave the characters locked away in a hard drive, never to be seen again.

So here is the plan: I will post a new Tokermon character every week. How does “Tokermon Tuesdays” sound? Look for a new Tokermon character every TUESDAY either here on yankeestoner.com or on our Facebook Page.

Mini Helix Classic Pipe

One of the most fun things about smoking weed are all the neat ways you can inhale it. Stoners are a crafty bunch so there is no end to the unique innovations pot smokers get to experience. The Helix Pipe is one of those unique innovations.

Clearly different than the rest of the “glass spoons” most smokers are used to, the Helix Pipe is a bit more than your basic pocket smoker. It does have a good sized bowl big enough for sharing. The Helix also sports a larger than normal carburetor hole that clears the pipe completely of smoke when released. This oddly shaped piece is well made featuring thick borosilicate glass. Borosilicate glass is known for having very low coefficients of thermal expansion , making them resistant to thermal shock, more than any other common glass.

Smoking the Helix is just about as much fun as you can have with a pipe. The shape of the Helix is the key to its effectiveness. On the outside of the cone-like section are tiny holes that let in the air as you inhale. When the smoke enters the cone chamber, it begins to swirl and contort like a tornado. (geek out: it’s called the Bernoulli Effect, the same phenomenon that causes an airplane wing to create lift.) With a bit of inhalation control, fun shapes and cool effects will entertain and entrance the smoker. A bonus effect: the smoke enters the lungs expanded and cooler with a bong-like inhalation that won’t choke you.

The Helix quickly became a favorite piece. Not at all complicated and always ready to go, the Helix is the perfect everyday puffer. I saw complaints about cleaning the Helix but my experience was no harder than the standard spoon. It is a bit pricy but worth every penny in my opinion.

Get yourself a Mini Helix Classic Pipe, I’m sure you’re gonna love it. You can get one from Dankstop, my favorite On-Line headshop.

Dankstop headshop

Weed TV

School would let out at 2:30. By 2:45, we would be getting as high as we could. At 3:00, we were ripped and ready. It was TV time.

After that last hit was inhaled, we would hurry into Sluggo’s parent’s family room and warm up the tube. With a few of Sluggo’s Mom’s homemade cookies in hand, we waited as the image slowly appeared on the screen.

The “after school” block of television was clearly marketed to the “stoner” demographic.  On the UHF band, we would carefully tune into channel 38 with a twist of the dial and a good whack on the chassis while someone would move the antenna wrapped in a wad of foil. We claimed our our spots on the couch and surrendered our brains for a couple of hours of the most mindless television shows ever created.

stoned_stooges_website

The Three Stooges would start an afternoon of “de-education” as the cathode ray tube bathed us with all that violent goodness. The timeless slapstick comedy taught us that whacking your best friend with a hunk of pipe or poking your pal in the eyes is just harmless entertainment and not assault and battery.  We crossed our fingers for a Curley episode, we were convinced Larry was high and the Joe episodes were just  a waste of time.  By 3:05, we were effectively “couch locked”. We remained riveted to Moe as he slapped his way through three “shorts” of black and white hilarity sandwiched between overly colorful junk food commercials.

After the Stooges were done, there was time for a quick bong hit in the garage so we could be high enough for Gilligan’s Island. So colorful, so stupid, soooo stoned, Gilligan’s Island was the ultimate in brain numbing television. Once a prime time staple, Gilligan’s Island is the perfect example of the family entertainment my generation endured.  Completely harmless and  unoffensive with zero educational value, Gilligan’s Island was just the thing to flush out all the day’s  “learnin”.  During the commercials, we would offer our opinions of the professor’s “coconut science” or argue over who was hotter: Ginger or Mary Ann. You’re singing the theme song right now, aren’t you…?

debbieAnother bong hit or two… Lost In Space was the most high show ever. Bad science, bad dialogue, bad acting, bad effects but still great “stoned” TV. Even though Lost In Space was a lame attempt to capitalize on the success of Star Trek, it still had the best theme song on TV at the time. (listen here)  The best episodes (by best I mean “dumbest”) featured Penny’s pet, Debby the Bloop, a chimp with fuzzy Spock ears that only utters “bloop”. We would fall about ourselves loudly laughing at Dr Smith moaning “oh, the pain, the pain” as Robots’ flailing arms would warn Will Robinson of “danger, danger”…

By this time, Sluggo’s Mom would walk in, sigh deeply and tell us to go outside.

Good idea, it was time to get high.

Westborough Weedless

It seems Westborough just isn’t the town for me. In fact, I feel a bit insulted.

Yes. I take Westborough’s hatred for cannabis personally. I’ve been a chronic inhaler way before Clinton. For years I have been secretly smoking my cannabis like a criminal. Marijuana finally becomes legal in the state and my town says “no way”. Yup, the first town in Massachusetts to defy the choice of the people.

I hope you’re proud, Westborough. You’ve succumbed to the fear.

Hey, don’t worry, Westborough… You can get your alcohol at 33 locations in town. Soon there will be even more places to get shit faced because our town’s citizens also voted to lift the quota for liquor licenses. Economic development, that is what that is called. So drink up, Westborough… apparently you would rather your children drink because a little alcohol never hurt anybody, Right? I’m sure Westborough never has drunk driving issues with all of these establishments in town. There were 10,519 drunk driving arrests in Massachusetts in 2016. Honestly, Westborough… you should be selling your liquor right there between the porn shop and the gun shop.

Westborough’s Economic Development Plan.

Fret not, Westborough weedies! I feel your pain. I’ll deliver all the cannabis you need, right to your door… from Grafton.

related articles:

Westborough Votes To Ban Recreational Pot Shops « CBS Boston

Westborough selectmen approve marijuana opt-out question on March ballot – Community Advocate

How I learned about Weed.

I grew up in suburban New England during the 70s. At 10 years old, I watched the 60s transition into 1970 as the youngest of 4 boys. With curious eyes and a sponge-like brain I observed my brothers from the safety of my youth as they tested my parents, enraged their teachers and challenged society just like every other teen in America.

I knew about drugs at an early age watching my older brothers experiment with the vast selection of substances that were available in the 70s.

It wasn’t until an assembly at school when I would discover marijuana would have a special attraction for me.

I was a wide eyed fifth grader when Officer Grassy came to Cole Elementary School to teach us about drugs. On the stage of our gym/auditorium, the Officer opened up a magical trunk filled with mysterious stuff. As he opened it up, I smelled the familiar odor that also lingered on my brothers’ jackets. Inside was a curious collection of confiscated contraptions: hookas, roach clips, bongs, a gas mask with a bowl, even a trumpet converted into a pipe.

trumpet_bong

I could not keep my eyes off the Officer as he explained how hippies would make “steamboat” pipes out of toilet paper tubes and foil. As he spoke he twirled a beautifully decorated cardboard tube in his hands. He picked up a large bag of marijuana, held it up high with a disgusted look on his face and continued… “Always needing their fix, the crazed hop heads smoke their reefers and then go on crime sprees.”

Hmmmmm. My brothers smoked that stuff all the time and all I ever saw them do is listen to music, eat lots of food and laugh a lot. But more important than that, I never realized there were so many cool toys marijuana smokers got to play with.

I had no desire to get high, having no idea what that even was. I did want to see how that trumpet pipe worked and that gas mask looked like a whole lotta fun.

The next day I had crafted my own “steamboat” toilet tube pipe just like the fine Officer taught me. Hiding in the woods behind my parents house, a friend and I smoked random dried leaves until we were dizzy. We pretended we were hippies as we coughed ourselves red faced and wiped smoke induced tears from our eyes.

Clearly, smoking “weed” was the coolest thing EVER!

 

Walking Through That Gateway.

The biggest argument I hear against the legalization of marijuana is that weed is a gateway drug. Smoking marijuana, it is argued, leads to harder drugs like heroin.

As a pot smoker for more than 40 years, I can understand why pot is perceived this way.

I tried all the drugs I could. I never used any drug intravenously, but I freely took just about anything handed to me for a few “wasted” years.

My first “high” was hyperventilating on purpose to feel that “head rush”. Cigarettes and cigars were another “high” for a curious preteen. I remember stealing my dad’s table pipe with a handful of Borkum Riff. I remember throwing up in the woods after a lungful of that nasty stale tobacco.

Another reason I was throwing up in the woods? That would be my dad’s well stocked liquor cabinet.

It was only natural for me to seek out marijuana. My bothers were doing it, the Beatles were doing it, even my own mother was doing it. Once I established a “connection”, I could get a bag of weed easier than an unopened bottle of booze. My dealer was always available to fill my pot order, even though he was usually late.

small_signEvery suburban neighborhood had a “dealer”. Often clad in an olive drab army jacket and flying a freak flag that flowed over hunched shoulders, the dealer was usually easy to spot and easier to smell. Back in the 70s, it was not uncommon for your local drug dealer to offer a selection of recreational drugs. Of course, any good businessman will tell you, the key to profits is the upsell. Mushrooms, LSD, hash, cocaine… there were lots of choices in his pocket on any given day. As he was taking my money and handing me a “dime bag” in a suspicious exchange, my dealer would always offer up other drugs that were on his “menu”.

My dealer introduced me to many drugs. As if he was doing me the biggest favor, my dealer always used phrases like “I saved this just for you” or “You’re gonna love this”. When the dealer was out of smoke, there was alway a back up “tab” of something.

My trusted dealer kept me wasted whether or not he had weed. It was his “job”.

Legalization could remove this “middleman” and allow me to purchase my pot stash without the that upsell. Buying from a regulated and secure establishment could effectively put the weed dealer out of business and reduce the exposure to the illegal dangerous drugs. The movement to keep marijuana illegal is a movement to keep the dealer in business.

Marijuana isn’t the gateway to drug addiction so much as the drug dealer is the “gate keeper”.

Think of the children, people… As voters, we have the opportunity keep this salesman away from the kids and help to keep that “gate” closed.