School would let out at 2:30. By 2:45, we would be getting as high as we could. At 3:00, we were ripped and ready. It was TV time.
After that last hit was inhaled, we would hurry into Sluggo’s parent’s family room and warm up the tube. With a few of Sluggo’s Mom’s homemade cookies in hand, we waited as the image slowly appeared on the screen.
The “after school” block of television was clearly marketed to the “stoner” demographic. On the UHF band, we would carefully tune into channel 38 with a twist of the dial and a good whack on the chassis while someone would move the antenna wrapped in a wad of foil. We claimed our our spots on the couch and surrendered our brains for a couple of hours of the most mindless television shows ever created.
The Three Stooges would start an afternoon of “de-education” as the cathode ray tube bathed us with all that violent goodness. The timeless slapstick comedy taught us that whacking your best friend with a hunk of pipe or poking your pal in the eyes is just harmless entertainment and not assault and battery. We crossed our fingers for a Curley episode, we were convinced Larry was high and the Joe episodes were just a waste of time. By 3:05, we were effectively “couch locked”. We remained riveted to Moe as he slapped his way through three “shorts” of black and white hilarity sandwiched between overly colorful junk food commercials.
After the Stooges were done, there was time for a quick bong hit in the garage so we could be high enough for Gilligan’s Island. So colorful, so stupid, soooo stoned, Gilligan’s Island was the ultimate in brain numbing television. Once a prime time staple, Gilligan’s Island is the perfect example of the family entertainment my generation endured. Completely harmless and unoffensive with zero educational value, Gilligan’s Island was just the thing to flush out all the day’s “learnin”. During the commercials, we would offer our opinions of the professor’s “coconut science” or argue over who was hotter: Ginger or Mary Ann. You’re singing the theme song right now, aren’t you…?
Another bong hit or two… Lost In Space was the most high show ever. Bad science, bad dialogue, bad acting, bad effects but still great “stoned” TV. Even though Lost In Space was a lame attempt to capitalize on the success of Star Trek, it still had the best theme song on TV at the time. (listen here) The best episodes (by best I mean “dumbest”) featured Penny’s pet, Debby the Bloop, a chimp with fuzzy Spock ears that only utters “bloop”. We would fall about ourselves loudly laughing at Dr Smith moaning “oh, the pain, the pain” as Robots’ flailing arms would warn Will Robinson of “danger, danger”…
By this time, Sluggo’s Mom would walk in, sigh deeply and tell us to go outside.
Good idea, it was time to get high.